is wine microwaveable?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
