New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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