; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
