hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
