we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
