In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
