the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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