He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
