I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
