This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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