we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
