You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
