There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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