And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
