he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
