Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
