I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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