she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He better not be in your backpack
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
