Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
