just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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