At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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