So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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