the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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