new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize