Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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