it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
