Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
