that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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