I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
