guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
