she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
