dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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