She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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