But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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