I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
