dude i'm inner monologue high
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
soo... how was my night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
