i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
