is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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