i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.