you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you