there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
