you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
