i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
