While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
