She tied me up with her honor cords...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
they're like a gay fantastic four
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach