dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina