how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
