Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
