im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
