Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
