Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
