gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I believe in your delicious
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
