oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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