I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
