I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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