The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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