I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love you. Go after that dick
where are my eyebrows?
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