dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
