ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She needs sedatives and a leash
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i believe in u and ur pee
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
