I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk is not a location!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize