Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
