My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
