your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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