did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you had me at cake vodka
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
