I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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