I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He shit in the fireplace
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
