porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
