she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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