just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
