My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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