Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
