i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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