What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
