she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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