i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
