I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
