from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
