Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
