Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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