My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
