hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
