Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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