Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
