Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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