On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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