I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
