also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
