Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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